Houston

I'm not a native Texan but I live in Texas. (Interestingly, that could be a song lyric at a two-step joint in Amarillo.)

I think living in Houston is pretty fun and also a little bit weird. For example, a lot of people like decorations like this:

A more authentic version of what you see in a TGI Fridays

One man's trash is another man's...wall trash.

Also, you might be walking around and just come across a horse.

Horse's eyeballs are huge. It's unnerving.

Recently, I was at work and someone said, "Hey, there's a miniature pony outside. Wanna go see it?"

Of course I did!

Why is this at my place of business?!

I mentioned this to my mom and she said, "Oh I love those!"

The heck?

There are also a lot of crazy foods in Houston. For example, I went to a Korean restaurant where the staff only spoke Korean. This was confusing because the menu was also only in Korean. I did a lot of pointing and motioning to try to communicate the terms "not spicy" and "beef perhaps?" to the server. He nodded as though he understood, but when he returned, I realized I had not been very clear.

He set on the table a glass of what looked like muddy water with bits of things floating in it. What I drank tasted pretty much just like liquid toast.

Then he returned and did this to the table:

Back row, far right. Yup, that's a bunch of minnows with eyes.

Alright.

It was all very tasty and confusing.

Speaking of tasty and confusing (but probably just confusing), I went to a large Asian market and found this:

Who's hungry?

I figured maybe for a bait shop, but a grocery store?

The other day I was walking out of church when I saw this:

Just your average day in Texas

I'll probably never get used to this place. Who wants to visit?

Understated Elegance

Last week I outclassed myself, which is so unfortunately easy to do. My sister invited me to fly to Tampa and then head over to the Ritz-Carlton in Orlando for my nephew's 2nd birthday. A free stay at a luxury hotel! My parents met us there as well.

As soon as I entered the lobby of the hotel, I knew I was in a place where I did not belong. It was so fancy.

Opulence in the Lobby

 

Lavish Pools

 


Scenic Vistas

 It was the type of place where you could find brides roaming around. People played golf, ordered food by the pool, and valet parked their cars.

I spotted one!

My mom kept walking around and solemnly saying, "understated elegance."

While I was there, I took a lot of notes about what rich people like. For one thing, they like a lot of lemonade.



Free Lemonade for Everyone!
Hotel Guests Only.

 They also like tiny condiments.



Tiny Tabasco

And they definitely like fountains in their pools.





Fish spat water onto you while you swam.

My time at the Ritz-Carlton involved a lot of laying by the pool and eating. My dad was particularly impressed by the breakfast buffet. He held up a finger for each trip he took to get more food.


Trip 1



Trip 2



There was some debate about which trip this was.

 At first, I felt very out of my element. I mean, I've been known to eat a can of pinto beans for dinner and buy articles of clothing with other people's monograms on them so that they're cheaper. It wasn't long before I adjusted to feeling rich and famous.


Classy

 The best part of the trip occurred right as we were about to leave. The bell hop (yeah that's right, the bell hop) came to get our bags from the rooms. I was in the process of trying to deflate some inner tubes when he arrived. He took one and proclaimed he was going to show me how to deflate it faster. He then opened the valve, put it against his chest, and then leaned up against the wall. He stayed like that for about 4 full minutes.


What do you do while this is happening?

 By the end of the weekend, I felt so relaxed and better than everyone. This taste of the good life gave me a keen eye for spotting fancy things in everyday life.



That ain't no ordinary tuna salad.

 What a weekend!



A Birthday Bust

What better way to say happy birthday to a friend than by immortalizing her in an original work of art? And I use the term "art" rather loosely here.

When good friend Anna Marie had a birthday approaching, my pal Lee and I decided that the best way to show her we care would be to make a paper mache sculpture of her head.


The nascent stages

 Neither of us knew exactly how to do this, so we turned to the internet for some help. We watched this tutorial video.

Notable things in the video include:
-The timeless quote, "Paper mache has a lot of great uses."
-The accent of the guy in the video
-The tiny spoon he uses to stir the big vat of glop
-The fact that such a video exists.

We found the recipe to be too complicated and decided to rely on a vague memory Lee had from elementary school in which she dumped some glue and some water in a bowl. We then ripped about 9,000 more strips of newspaper than we ended up needing.

We began to sculpt and then paint. Every afternoon or evening that we went to work on it, the movie Freedom Writers happened to be on t.v. and so we have now seen it about six times.

We put the final product in a t-shirt because it just seemed inappropriate not to.


The final product far exceeded
our wild expectations.

 Finally, it was time to present the birthday girl with her present. We knocked on her apartment door and held up her head so that she would be greeted by herself when she answered the door. We were envisioning clapping, jumping up and down, immense gratitude, and overall approval.

When she opened the door, she took one look at it, made a face, and then asked "Who is that?" She eventually warmed up to the idea, but it took her a while to take it all in. Her lack of spectacular enthusiasm didn't stop her from posing with her present for a picture.


Striking resemblance! (kind of)

 Success!

A Horrifying Discovery

This Easter, my sister was nice enough to send me some mail that could easily be compared to waking up with a horse's head in my bed.

Her intention was to send me an Easter package, complete with jelly beans, Haribo gummy bears (I think the green ones are laced with nicotine), and a chocolate rabbit.

This is what I saw when I opened the box:

Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!

The rabbit's face was a melted, deformed mess. The sugary eyeball had oozed to another part of what was left of the face, and it peered out at me, pleading for it all to end.

I obliged.

Food is Fun and Fun is Good

I recently discovered that I like food.

It all started when I accidentally knocked a package of Pacific's Poblano Pepper and Corn Chowder off the shelf at the grocery store. As I watched the southwestern inspired puddle grow at my feet, I thought it looked pretty good and purchased one. I'm not a big fan of spicy foods, as I prefer my meal not to hurt me, but the flavor of the soup was nice. That's one point for food. I think I'll knock something else off the shelf the next time I go to the store.

The soup turned pretty beige once microwaved.

Next, I headed to the largest Mexican Farmers Market in the city of Houston, known as Canino's. It is truly amazing. The market stretches on and on, boasting endless produce stands run by different families.

A million hot peppers. No biggie.

The produce is fresh and dirt cheap and not always identifiable. Another plus for the food industry.

At one stand, I noticed a barrel full of tiny dried out minnows. What the heck. They also sell mangoes on sticks that are dipped in cayenne pepper and then carved in the shape of flowers, which, to be honest, mesmerized me.

I made several purchases. I bought 2 tacos and a pineapple Jupina for only $4.50. I also got inspired by all the produce and ended up having this for breakfast the next day:

I didn't eat the lemon.
Why, then, did I put it on the plate?

My mouth was on fire due to all the citric acid. Minus two points for food.

The Canino adventure made me appreciate all the great Mexican influences in Texas, but it also caused me to miss the great Cuban fare I grew up eating in south Florida. I decided to try making one of my favorite dishes from home, Cuban pulled pork with lime. It turned out well, albeit not too photogenic.

Pretend there are sweet plantains on the plate.

I am still in the process of trying to perfect my Ropa Vieja.

My final food discovery occurred when I was traveling throughout New Hampshire. The Centennial Hotel claimed a delicious breakfast, so I gave it a shot. The highlight was the creme fresh with chives on the hash browns. I had never tried that before, and it was dang good.

I started eating before I took the picture.
 Rookie mistake.

 These are the things that have been happening in my life regarding food. Who cares, right?

If You're Ever in New Hampshire

My job requires that I travel quite a bit for work. Though this can seem glamorous, it can get pretty ugly when an accident prone person hits the open road. For instance, my rental car kind of exploded once in Dallas but I had to keep driving it.

Last week, I actually had a fairly smooth trip to Massachusetts and New Hampshire. Well, smooth if you don't count the fact I failed to realize I was flying out on the Monday after Easter and the security line snaked out the doors of the actual airport. I had to beg my way to the front of the line, which would have been humiliating had a panic induced surge of adrenaline not taken over my body. I was the last person to board the plane. Everyone looked at me disapprovingly as I walked shamefully down the aisle to my seat.

The first night of the trip, I stayed at the Andover Inn, which was pretty fantastic. 



The truck kinda ruins the picture.

 

Slanty ceilings always wow me.

The next day, I drove to New Hampshire and managed to fit in a hike on the Oakland Town Forest Trail. New Hampshire is very naturey.

The logs look sorta fake, as if placed there for effect.

Huge rocks!

I tried to get all artistic with my cell phone camera.

I saw an owl that appeared to be at least 2.5 feet tall. (Once, a big owl swooped down, picked up the neighbor's cat, flew up really high, and then dropped it to its death. Then it ate the cat.The neigbors watched in horror, but what could they do at that point, really?)

After the hike, I made my way to Water Street in the thriving metropolis of downtown Exeter for lunch. I picked a small cafe called The Green Bean, which overlooks the Exeter River. I chose a turkey, cranberry sauce, and stuffing sandwich and a cup of cream leek and brie soup.


I'm stressed that you won't notice the river out the window.
That's a river.

Then I visited the Water Street Book Store (indie books for indie minds). It was a winner.

That night, I stayed in the Exeter Inn. The room was weird in a good way. I had a private bathroom that was located across the hall. It's a funny thing to walk through the hall with your shower gear. They called this European.

No bathroom!

At night, I came back to find cookies on the dresser and a robe laid out on the bed. I immediately thought I was in the wrong room and dashed back out into the hall. Once I had regained composure, I got really into the robe idea.

Loving that robe

The idea of wearing a robe someone else had worn soon got to me and I set it aside.

Finally, I made my way to Concord, New Hampshire. I bought a very affordable shirt at the L.L. Bean outlet store (no sales tax in NH!). It was affordable because someone had monogrammed the cuff and then returned it. I now sport the initials TJR, which I claim stands for Thomas Jefferson Roosevelt.

Sporting some new initials to save money

I texted this picture to my sister to ask her if the shirt looked nice. She replied, "I like the shirt but don't even think of buying that hideous one hanging in the background." I returned it to the rack in shame.

I then stayed at the Centennial Hotel, which was swank-tastic.

Huge bed. Huge.

All in all, it was a great trip. Here are the take-aways:

-Do stay at the Andover Inn, Exeter Inn, and the Centennial Hotel. You can bargain the prices down in the off-season.
-Do hike the Town Forest trail. You might see a huge owl.
-Do pick a fun restaurant on Water Street in Exeter for lunch on the river. The brie leek soup is good but needs a little salt.
-Don't ask TSA for help if you're running late and the security line is long. They'll just tell you, "Yeah, I think you're going to miss that flight. Well, see ya."
-Don't get confused and think you're in the wrong room when they put cookies in it.
-Don't bring your cat, for multiple reasons.